Well, last week we were a day late posting due to uncontrollable circumstances that were completely within our control.

This week we are posting a few hours earlier because, in the immortal words of Sham 69, weeeeee’re  goin’ down the pub.

Merry Christmas to one and all from Muse on Booze.  




BREWER: East London Brewing Company, East London 

STYLE: Vanilla Mild

ABV: 3.6%

VESSEL: 500ml bottle





It’s Christmas week and I entered it full of joy, excitement and hope for both the time of year and the beer I was going to be testing… but things didn’t quite work out..

Let me explain.

When I purchased Orchid a few weeks back I did so because it caught my eye. Did I like the look of it?  Don’t know, didn’t really give it much thought at the time. But it had to have had something for me to go through with the impulse buy, surely?

As test week arrived I did what I normally tend to do and took the beer that was going to be given a good going over, out of the cupboard and placed it on the kitchen side. I generally do this so it gives me a few days of catching the eye of the beer as I’m passing so I can really gauge what the packaging is all about.

Our relationship started out ‘alright’ , but ended in tatters I am sorry to say….

Mondayyeah not bad looking, quite looking forward to this.

Tuesdaylooks okay, I think?

Wednesdaylooks weird, why does it look weird?

ThursdayThe label looks like wallpaper. And shiny gold? I don’t like shiny gold and certainly not on a beer label.





Right so, joy and excitement also came with the thought of a Vanilla mild. I am a huge fan of Vanilla, especially this time of year, and though I had not had a Mild for a fair few years I had always enjoyed the odd one in the past.

It ended badly again, really badly.

There are Vanilla hints yes, but I honestly think even hints is too generous. The nose it too pungent, initial taste too sharp and then whatever taste was there just vanishes, quickly.


Look, I may get paid millions of pounds a year to test one beer a week but I’m no pro, no no..

ELB have just, for me at least, got this all wrong.

Happy Christmas!!!!!!!!!! Sorry x


TASTE: 15/50

NOSE: 5/10




NAME: 3/5

INFO: 1/5

J-TOTAL: 38/100




So here it is – the final review before Christmas: for those of you hoping for a cracker (not of the type you pull with toy insert), you’re going to be disappointed.  And I don’t mind stating it from the outset.  This beer is all over disappointment. 


Let’s start with the name, Orchid Vanilla Mild.  It’s not a statement.  It’s not bold or big.  It’s not even particularly clever and it’s never going to pull in even the well-established and learned beer drinker.  In fact, it’s a name that lacks in punch; it seems so…limp and uninspiring. 


Once opened and poured, I’m afraid it gets no better.  The nose on this one is…er…disappointing.  It’s neither here nor there and, rather like the name, it will not tempt you to drink it. 


Let me linger for a very little amount of time on the taste: poor quality.  It lacks in distinctiveness and the Vanilla, as promised by the aforementioned low-grade name, is nowhere to be seen.  The only part of the name that rings true is the mild part as this is a beer that you could chew down one after another in a ‘mild’ session.


For Christmas crackers, stick to the type you pull, or see our previous reviews for some of the all year round beer crackers that are out there to be enjoyed!


TASTE: 21/50

NOSE: 4/10




NAME: 1/5

INFO: 1/5

S-TOTAL: 44/100





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: