FUCK ART – WE’VE GOT ZESTAPPEAL

BEER REVIEW: 91

BREWER: To Øl, Copenhagen, Denmark

STYLE: Belgian Ale

ABV: 6%

VESSEL: 50cl tin

DATE POSTED: 6th July 2019

JYMI SAY’S…

B…limey, there are a lot of talking points with this one.

Here goes..

We’re going to have to start with the tin design aren’t we. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?!?! (The Muse on Booze bleep out swearing sector (MOBBOSS)) said we are allowed to swear in this review due to the name of the beer itself. About time you ghastly brutes!

I mean, I’m kind of speechless. This is literally the worst looking can of beer I think I have ever seen! It’s scary. Creepy. Sinister. Just right flippin’ weird if you ask me. Odd looking elephants, mannequins and statues staring into your soul… It’s just not right.

But hang on… this get’s us to our next talking point.. the name. Well they’re not holding back over at To Øl now are they?!!

Is the name essentially saying, FUCK ART and it’s finer depths where you may understand and even admire such bizarre works that are displayed on this tin of ale. Just FUCK ART and have a drink of beer. Maybe, just maybe? But who cares…

Let’s get to our next and final talking point..

This is one of the best beers that I have ever tasted. There you go. I said it. Massive call yes but the quality of this brew is just immense. Seriously, the mouth feel alone suggests it has been passed through 70,000 glaciers made from the purest water that has ever been found. Words cannot get over just how natural and flawless the texture of this brew is. Actual flavour wise what we have is a pretty large presence of sweet mango but is balanced down with bitter and dulling tones.

Though you couldn’t pack away too many of these it does not take away from the fact that this is just one special ale and leads me on to our conclusion…

This beer from To Øl for me means taking the packaging into account when reviewing a beer is an absolute must. For if I didn’t do these little write ups each week there is a fairly good chance that I would never have tasted the absolute masterclass we have here from this Danish brewing giant. OK, it’s not that easy to get hold of but if I had found myself in a snazzy bottle shop I would have passed by this tin with a ‘what the flip is that’ attitude. Wrong I know, but true. Which would mean that I would have missed out on a simply incredible brew.

Jymi’s Rating: 84%

SAMMY SAY’S…

There’s no way of denying it; this beer has a name that is meant to grab your attention (but you do have to scour the can to find it). It also has a can design that is…interesting, with images that could range in description from budget all the way through to scary. So it’s not surprising then, that I approached this beer with trepidation.

However, Fuck Art We’ve Got Zestappeal is a very well rounded beer. The sweet tropical come mango nose is incredibly light. If you like sweet smelling beers, then you’d be hard pushed to find a better one that this. It really is a tempter…

If grapefruit juice was a 10, then Fuck Art is scaled down to 6. This citrus peel flavour is a perfect balance of bitterness and sweetness and, like the nose, is light. This leads to this brew being an easy beer to drink, which leaves a incredibly clean palate…perfect for going in for the next sip.

There’s no hiding from this being a very good beer indeed. It would be perfect for any special occasion, but could equally be enjoyed whenever you so wish.

Sammy’s Rating: 86%

MUSE ON BOOZE RATING: 85%

MOB review next weekend: LEMON AND THYME SAISON by PARTIZAN BREWING

MUSE ON BOOZE

BROCKMANS

DATE POSTED: 4th July 2019

STYLE: New Western

ABV: 40%

KEY BOTANICAL: Juniper, Citrus and Berries

THEY SAY SERVE WITH: Fever-Tree Tonic and Pink Grapefruit & Blueberry Garnish

MOB SAY SERVE WITH: Merchant’s Heart Ginger Ale and Blackberry Garnish

MOB COCKTAIL SUGGESTION: Bramble

Bramble ingredients and method:

50ml Brockmans Gin

12.5ml Lemon Juice

12.5ml Sugar Syrup

12.5ml Creme de Mure

Place first three ingredients into an iced cocktail shaker. Shake and strain over crushed ice into a rocks glass. Float the Creme de Mure on top with back of a spoon. Garnish with a lemon wedge.

M O B S O G 2 0 1 9

BANANA BREAD BEER

BEER REVIEW: 90

BREWER: Eagle Brewery, Bedfordshire, England

STYLE: Fruit Ale

ABV: 5.2%

VESSEL: 500ml brown bottle

DATE POSTED: 28th June 2019

SAMMY SAY’S…

In life, some flavour combinations come together and work. They just do. It’s the way that it is. I’m not referring to well-tested and well-known combos, such as salt and pepper or cheese and pickle, but rather the marriages that surprise us, like baked beans on toast with marmite or crisp sandwiches. We can’t escape the fact that a combo of banana and bread is itself a strange thing. But it seems to work. People like it, or even (dare I say it) love it. And that includes some people who don’t even like bananas on their own.

However, because banana and bread make a satisfyingly tasty baked loaf, it would never enter my mind to bring those flavours together with beer. But somewhere (possibly on a dark winter’s night) it did enter someone’s cognitive sphere and they must have thought that it was a good idea…

The thing is, it was a terrible idea. It’s up there with the worst culinary ideas ever. What were they thinking?

While Banana Bread Beer tastes exactly how it’s described, it tastes exactly how you would imagine: like bananas and bread…and beer…and that’s an awful thing. So awful, in fact, that I couldn’t even bring myself to drink it. No it’s worse than that, it actually brought out the gag reflex in me so that I nearly brought the Banana Bread Beer up and nearly had to taste it again having had my stomach acid added to it (which may well have improved the flavour).

This product is just terrible. Words can’t do justice to how bad it actually is. My advice? Avoid at all costs.

Sammy’s Rating: 3%

JYMI SAY’S…

As a very clever man once told me, certain things in this life are just funny. And other things are not. So, he told me, “if you’re ever trying to make people laugh, use the funny stuff”.

Pear, not funny.

Banana, very funny.

A bit like a Banana, Sammy is a funny ol’ fruit. Let me explain why…

I’d say 95% of the beers that we test, we do so independently. The main reason being is that we don’t particularly like each other so tend to stay out of each other’s way. It’s also good not to influence each other whilst testing a brew. However, Banana Bread Beer was tested together as Sammy boy was attempting a BBQ in the sun for our two families. Now normally if we do end up testing together we keep our cards close to our chest until scoring and notes are complete. This was not the case with BBB though I have to admit.

See, the high drama that ensued after Sam had taken his first sip was something else. At first I wasn’t quite sure if he’d just instantly come down with a dreadful illness OR he didn’t particularly like the beer.

I’m still giggling now as I write this recalling Sammy standing over the sink asking himself if he was going chuff up or not.

It then became clear that he hadn’t just come down with a dreadful illness…

The broadcast began to the BBQ crew (whilst still hovering around the sink) that this was the worst beer that he had ever tasted.

The broadcast continued (accompanied by the odd spasm), Sam wasn’t sure he would be able to finish this beer… Shortly followed by stating he may not even take another sip.

This went on for a while….

So, convinced Sammy was going to write a damming review of this brew, for once I waited to see what he was going to say before writing mine as was sure we were going to have the same opinion. I just wanted his account of what happened whilst testing this brew before I could put any sort of pen to paper (mainly because I was still laughing).

This extract from Sammy’s review is the closest he got to what really happened..

No it’s worse than that, it actually brought out the gag reflex in me so that I nearly brought the Banana Bread Beer up and nearly had to taste it again having had my stomach acid added to it (which may well have improved the flavour).

HAHAHAHAHA

To be fair, I haven’t got much to add. This is a truly shocking beer. I managed about half of it before I thought to myself, stuff this, and that tells you all you need to know really.

And I’ve just noticed Sam scored it 3% overall!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

I’m gone.

Jymi’s Rating: 16%

MUSE ON BOOZE RATING: 9.5%

MOB review next weekend: FUCK ART by TO ØL

MUSE ON BOOZE

LIMEHOUSE

DATE POSTED: 26th June 2019

STYLE: London Dry

ABV: 40%

KEY BOTANICAL: Angelica Root

THEY SAY SERVE WITH: Fever-Tree Aromatic Tonic and Orange Wheel Garnish

MOB SAY SERVE WITH: Fentimans Connoisseurs Tonic and Lemon Wheel Garnish

MOB COCKTAIL SUGGESTION: Clover Club

Clover Club ingredients and method:

50ml Limehouse Gin

25ml Lemon Juice

25ml Raspberry Syrup

1 Egg White

Combine all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with loads of ice. Shake vigorously and fine strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

M O B S O G 2 0 1 9

GO TO IPA

BEER REVIEW: 89

BREWER: Stone Brewing, Berlin, Germany

STYLE: IPA

ABV: 4.7%

VESSEL: 0.33L tin

DATE POSTED: 21st June 2019

SAMMY SAY’S…

Go To IPA is setting it’s stall out with it’s name. It’s bold and makes a clear statement about how Stone Brewing want you to view this beer. They want it to be…well…your go to IPA. That could bring its challenges because, as we all know, it has entered a crowded market. And in that market, there are already many beers that one might consider their go to IPA.

Go To IPA is a bit of a mismatch. The nose is very light and sweet, and has hints of melon (as promised on the can). It’s not heavy and is definitely the aroma of the modern craft IPA. However, in the drinking it’s quite bitter and lacks in any distinguishable flavours. I’m not saying that it’s unpleasant, because it’s not, it just doesn’t have much character.

So that leaves us in quite a clear place. Go To IPA is a very palatable beer. Many would be happy to quaff it and wouldn’t be at all offended. The issue is though, I doubt that this will be anyone’s go to IPA. It’s in a crowded market and there are some super beers in that market.

Still…I wouldn’t say no to one if offered it.

Sammy’s Rating: 70%

JYMI SAY’S…

Go To IPA is a curious name for a beer and I’m not sure what to make of it. Nor am I sure what the brewers Stone really mean by it.

My initial thoughts were that by naming your beer like this you are almost saying… “if nothing else of note is available then you can rely on Go To IPA to not let you down. So it’s your go to beer without having to put too much thought into it.

I suppose the other definition could be that all other beers fall short of GTIPA so basically don’t bother with them and just drink this offering from Stone for the rest of eternity.

Well this get’s the noggin whirring I have to say. As each possible meaning for the name are inaccurate and therefore I conclude that Go To IPA is a terrible name for this beer as it doesn’t do it justice and over egg’s it all at the same time.

If let’s say this beer is being looked at as a beer that would not let you down if nothing else was available then although that statement is true this brew is far better than that. You would choose this IPA over many beers whether they we instantly available to you or not.

Conversely if we were looking at it as a beer that ends all other beers and this was your brew for life then that would be wrong. Even though if this was the only beer you could drink for the rest of your days you would be far from disappointed, you would still be missing out on some far superior beers that are knocking about around our globe.

Now you could mistake what I’ve said so far for me having the opinion that Go To IPA is a middle of the road beer. But it’s not. It’s way better than that.

This is a strong tasting hard hitting very hoppy IPA. Coming in at 4.7% I have to say it tastes stronger than that, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The tangy yet hoppy bite is very prominent up front and then softens to an a lemon vibe mid way before the hops then return for the long aftertaste.

An overall decent ale this that is without doubt worth a try.

Jymi’s Rating: 73%

MUSE ON BOOZE RATING: 71.5%

MOB review next weekend: BANANA BREAD BEER by EAGLE BREWERY

muse on booze

MARTIN MILLERS

DATE POSTED: 19th June 2019

STYLE: London Dry

ABV: 40%

KEY BOTANICAL: Citrus Peel

THEY SAY SERVE WITH: Fever-Tree Indian Tonic and Strawberry & Cracked Black Pepper Garnish

MOB SAY SERVE WITH: Fentimans Oriental Yuzu Tonic and Strawberry Garnish

MOB COCKTAIL SUGGESTION: The Bees Knees

The Bees Knees Ingredients and method:

50ml Martin Millers Gin

25ml Lemon Juice

25ml Honey

Pour all ingredients into an iced cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously for 1 minute. Fine strain into a chilled Martini glass. Garnish with a sprig of Rosemary.

M O B S O G 2 0 1 9

SURF

BEER REVIEW: 88

BREWER: Jaw Brew, Lanarkshire, Scotland

STYLE: IPA

ABV: 4.3%

VESSEL: 500ml brown bottle

DATE POSTED: 16th June 2019

SAMMY SAY’S…

Type ‘Surf’ into the Cambridge Dictionary online and the first definition (ironically) is about visiting different websites on the internet. The second definition, unsurprisingly, relates to the sport of surfing. The third definition, and the one I was looking for, states that surf is “the tops of waves on the sea when they are near the coast or hit against rocks”. I can only assume that the team at Jaw Brew was thinking of the third definition when naming their beer Surf. Surf, in this sense, conjures up hard hitting images, rather than soft rolling tones…

However, it’s not the impression that you first get when opening up this brew. Although there are notes and hints of the exotic that one might expect on a sun drenched beach, they’re not big hitting like you want from your surf. Delve deeper and take your first sip, and the same theme continues. There are subtle pineapple and bitter-sweet flavours supported by a slight sour aftertaste. And the aftertaste is short lived, leaving a dry sensation in the mouth, that is a little underwhelming.

Sometimes subtlety is good. Sometimes it’s what you look for in a beer. But on this occasion it’s not quite where you might want to be. Jaw Brew state that this is a ‘snappy and stimulating brew’…which is ‘tantalisingly tangy’ and the reality is that Surf just isn’t that. It’s way too short in flavour to live up to this.

It may be Surf in name, but it’s not surf in nature.

Sammy’s Rating: 60%

JYMI SAY’S…

IF YOU HAVE NEVER WATCHED THE FILM POINT BREAK THEN THE FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS OF THIS BLURB WILL NOT MAKE SENSE. HOWEVER IF YOU DON’T READ THEM THE REMAINING PARAGRAPHS WON’T MAKE SENSE EITHER, SO…. I’LL LEAVE IT WITH YOU.

As Johnny Utah strolled down to meet the ocean for the very first time everyone just knew he was a first timer, and booooy did he prove it both in detective and surfing skills. Old man, but certainly not past it Angelo looked like he had to swoop in to save the day, as well as keep him cool. Legend.

But Johnny’s perseverance with the surf (which unfortunately, though not totally linked to the ocean resulted in the passing of Angelo) eventually paid off. It was still pretty flippin’ obvious he was a police officer from the start, but somehow, somehow he infiltrated the EX PRESIDENTS!!

Now, where am going with this…

Externally, Surf the beer looks cool, but in a way that is trying to look cool, which sticks out like a sore Utah thumb.

If it’s trying to be surfer dude I think it’s failed… if it’s not then I have no idea.

HOWEVER, the name and addition of the word exotic to the ol’ PALE ALE in the description has to intrigue a dude or dudette so let us see what this kid has got… coz for me it looks like a pretender! And that would be a waste of time.

So what ya bringing us then Jaw Brew??

Well, it’s pretty good you know, not take down a major crime organisation good, just pretty good. My hand written notes included the ever informative words of good solid brew. But I cannot argue with those notes, mainly because I wrote them.

But it is, it’s a solid brew. There is nothing cleaver of fancy going on, it just goes about its business not trying to be something it’s not. Like a hardcore surfer dude I suppose (not Johnny Utah).

Surf Pale Ale starts off lovely and soft and builds to a good dry pine and apple finish as the bottle told us it should and Jaw Brew delivered.

It’s by no means a 100 year storm this brew but it would be welcome enough around my table anytime…. Unlike Johnny Utah.

Jymi’s Rating: 68%

MUSE ON BOOZE RATING: 64%

MOB review next weekend: GO TO IPA by STONE BREWING

muse on booze

BULLDOG

DATE POSTED: 13th June 2019

STYLE: London Dry

ABV: 40%

KEY BOTANICAL: White Poppy, Dragon Eye and Lotus Leaf

THEY SAY SERVE WITH: Fever-Tree Tonic and Grapefruit Wedge & Lemon Peel Garnish

MOB SAY SERVE WITH: 1724 Tonic and Lemon Peel Garnish

MOB COCKTAIL SUGGESTION: French 75

French 75 ingredients and method:

37.5ml Bulldog Gin

12.5ml Lemon Juice

6.25ml Sugar Syrup

Champagne Brut

Shake first three ingredients with ice and strain into a chilled Champagne flute. Top with Champagne. Garnish with lemon peel

M O B S O G 2 0 1 9

TABLE BEER

BEER REVIEW: 87

BREWER: The Kernel Brewery, South-East London, England

STYLE: Pale Ale

ABV: 3%

VESSEL: 330ml brown bottle

DATE POSTED: 7th June 2019

SAMMY SAY’S…

Hats off to The Kernel Brewery for naming a beer Table Beer. It really makes sense. I love the step away from ‘session’. To me, it’s innovative. Add to that, they have packaged it up it a neat way, which also works with the overall sense that this beer gives off.

The nose on Table Beer is faint and doesn’t offer too much insight into what might lie behind it. On first drinking, you understand why this is called Table Beer. It’s not clever or trying to be anything special. What it is, is exactly what it’s name says.

The Kernel Brewery have pulled no punches with this beer. It’s not gimmicky. It’s not the most exciting beer that you’ll ever drink. It doesn’t try to be something it’s not. What it is though, is a great Table Beer. I would hazard a guess that most people would really enjoy this beer without realising that they are enjoying it. It would sit in the background and do the job it set out to do.

I’d happily put it on my table.

Sammy’s Rating: 79%

JYMI SAY’S…

Now, what we have here is a break from three pretty hefty moulds..

Name

Packaging

Percentage

So, how’s it worked out?

Well I have to say, pretty dang well!!

Going to start with the Percentage. 3% is crazy weak for a beer. The only other pup in this sphere that we have stumbled across so far in our beer adventure has been New England Session IPA and that for my part, was a disaster of a brew. However, this offering from Kernel (if I can quote mine and Sammy’s best pal from the other night) is a different beast. Don’t care what percentage this beer is, there is a truck load of flavour coming out of this south east London pale.

On to the Packaging. Who would have thought that brown paper probably purchased from Smiths coupled with some pretty poor printing would be such a positive talking point. Dare to be different. Dare to push the boundaries. Dare to flip that right on its head but for it to have the same effect. Wow. Just wow. Utter genius.

And the name. It’s just so flippin clever. A social beer to share with friends around the focal point of any smallish gathering… the humble table. The social centrepiece where beers get crushed, laughs do be had and memories are made and Kernel go and name a beer Table Beer. At risk of repeating myself, utter genius.

I should probably now talk about the taste and its subtle hints of whatever and faint touches of this n that, as well as it maybe lacking a touch in places due to the very low percentage. But I’m not going to. Just trust me that for what this beer was designed to be it’s a work of art and it really is as simple as that.

Jymi’s Rating: 88%

MUSE ON BOOZE RATING: 83.5%

MOB review next weekend: SURF by JAW BREW

muse on booze

HIBERNATION

DATE POSTED: 5th June 2019

STYLE: London Dry

ABV: 45%

KEY BOTANICAL: Crab Apple & Blackberry

THEY SAY SERVE: Neat

MOB SAY SERVE WITH: Fentimans Botanical Tonic and Lime Garnish

MOB COCKTAIL SUGGESTION: Corpse Reviver No. 2

Corpse Reviver No. 2 ingredients and method:

40ml Hibernation Gin

40ml Dry Vermouth

40ml Cointreau

40ml Fresh Lemon Juice

Dash of Absinthe

Combine all ingredients into an iced cocktail shaker. Shake and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a Lemon Twist.

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